Strength & Weakness

Today Micah and I had our second premarital counseling session. I can’t even begin to communicate how much I enjoy this part of being engaged and preparing for marriage. Today we were given a small taste of this week’s homework. Samuel and Allison asked us to tell them one strength, and one  weakness of the other. I’ll admit it, it was awkward to say, “this is one of Micah’s weaknesses”, right there in front of him… and it was just as awkward to sit there while Micah told them what he sees as one of my weaknesses. But on the flip side it was so encouraging to hear him communicate what he perceives as my strength. It blessed me. Such a strange thing, but so good… so helpful. It’s one thing to know my own strengths and weaknesses, and to know that Micah knows them too, and it’s entirely different to hear him tell Samuel and Allison these strengths and weaknesses from his perspective and how he experiences them.

A few months ago, Micah and I went to an older couple to get some advice about relationship. In the midst of the conversation, the husband said, “Micah, look at Kaitlyn. If you get married, she will be the cross you will be crucified on.” He said the same thing to me. In thinking about strength and weakness, I can’t help but think of pride and humility and that there is no room for pride in marriage. My pride will be crucified in daily life with Micah. Such a terrifying, yet beautiful thought. We are choosing this journey; both of us together, are saying yes to each other’s strengths and weaknesses knowing that we will come out stronger in the end. It’s the vehicle of marriage, the cross of marriage in this age that will carry us into blamelessness and wholeheartedness as we wait for Jesus to return. Such a sobering reality.. not to be taken lightly. And yet there is so much joy!

Thank You Lord for pairing me with such an amazing man who loves You, and will faithfully be my partner in this journey!

74 days to go!

Mini Update

Today I’m starting a new schedule. I’ll be TAing an IHOPU class for this whole month, and because class is right in the middle of the day I’m back in the morning section for my prayer room hours. And by morning, I mean 10a :). Waking up is not something I’m good at… I usually hit snooze 3 or 4 times! But really, I’m excited to have a super consistent schedule over the next month even if it means getting up a little earlier than I’m used to.

In other news, Micah is feeling a little under the weather. He went home early from work yesterday and has the next two days off. I’m praying that this blows over without getting too severe. I wish that I could just be home with him to make soup and tea and get him medicine and make sure he’s snuggled and warm.

Tomorrow we have our 2nd session of pre-marital counseling! Tonight we need to do our homework… we procrastinated! I’m really excited about our weekly meetings with the Moseleys!  We have just 2 months, 2 weeks, and 2 days until we are married, and I’m so glad that we have such an amazing couple that is helping us, praying for us and walking us through our issues before the wedding.

We have a lead on another possible place to live! It’s a newly remodeled townhouse in Grandview. It might be a little bigger than we need now, but we are just looking at all of our options :)

This was so scattered, but there is so much going on that it’s hard for me to focus on a single subject today.

75 days to go!

Love & Respect

Over a year ago I read a book called “Love & Respect” and I’m reading it again as I prepare to get married. It’s an easy read, but really powerful when the principles are applied in daily life. Some parts are a little cheesy  as the author seeks to be readable and fun, but overall I would recommend this book to anyone who is married, engaged, dating, or hoping to someday be married.

The focal point of this book is Ephesians 5, the famous chapter on marriage. Paul says that wives should submit to their husbands, and husband should love their wives. Seems simple enough. But in verse 33 it’s all unlocked.

“..each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

The author has caught hold of something so incredibly simple, yet so profound. Men are commanded to LOVE (unconditionally I might add) and women are commanded to RESPECT (Paul’s language is very strong, suggesting unconditional respect). When a husband feels disrespected, he will act in an unloving way. When a wife doesn’t feel love, she will react in a disrespectful way. You can see how circular this can become and how eventually you will have two people full of hurt. The point that hit home for me is this: Women are not commanded to love their husbands because it’s something that we will automatically do. Yet respect is not something we naturally think of when it comes to a relationship… we think love is enough for both of us. This is why Paul commands us to respect. It will take work, but a man’s heart comes alive when he is respected. Men are wired for respect. In the work place they seek the respect of colleagues, not love. That is why men are commanded to love. Women want to be respected, sure, but more than that and above all else, we want our man’s love. And, it’s not just reactions of love and disrespect, it’s actions. Men will sometimes, unknowingly demand respect  from their wives by acting unloving… He is craving it, crying out to be respected and doesn’t know how to voice this. And the same goes for women. We so desperately want to be loved and will act out in ways that are totally disrespectful as a means of saying “love me!” . It’s all wrong and totally backwards, but it happens all the time.

In reading this book the first time, I was able to see how my reactions and actions toward Micah in certain situations only made things worse. It has been really helpful even though out of the two of us, only I have read the book, because I am able to pinpoint in myself areas that I’ve been disrespectful. And, I always notice a difference in the way we respond to each other. When I feel loved, I always act in more respectful ways, and vice versa. The trick to the equation is to be loving and respectful in spite of feeling unloved or disrespected. It takes a lot more effort and help from the Spirit to act and speak respectfully when I feel unloved… but it is SO worth the effort.

So again, I highly recommend this book! Love & Respect by Eggerichs.

79 days to go!

Beginnings..

If you read my blog, you may have noticed that I just gave it a little facelift! I like rearranging furniture and the like, and this seems to be the equivalent of the internet world for me.

Yesterday Micah and I had our very first session of Pre-Marital Counseling! It was so good. We will be spending 1 hour per week with Samuel and Allison Moseley in preparation for marriage. They are amazing… very real, open and honest. Yesterday we used our hour to tell them our story of how we met, and they shared a little of their history so that we can get to know them. Even before (especially before) getting into heavier things in the coming weeks, they are already praying for us and asking the Lord to give us grace and wisdom. During our time yesterday, just before we were done, they prayed for us and got some prophetic words for us… and then I was in tears. It was so right on. When they were praying for us they kept saying “the Blosser family… Lord bless the Blosser Family”. It felt so foreign, but so wonderful all at the same time knowing that Micah and I will soon have our own little “Blosser Family”. And by that I don’t mean having kids right away.. just me and the man for a while! Last night I even began to compile a photo album of our first 2 years together. I kept thinking, “I wonder what our kids will think when they see these pictures 15 years from now?!” It was so much fun to look back at where we have been and look forward to where we are going. I’m excited for the next 6 weeks and what the Lord is going to do in us and for us, with pre-marital counseling, the continuing planning for our wedding, and finding a place to live. He is so good to us and has big plans for us!

80 days to go!!

In the lull…

Already February! I can’t believe it. Time is moving so quickly these days. Micah and I have just 2 months, 3 weeks, and 2 days until we’re married. We’ve already been engaged for nearly 2 months. Planning and design are somewhat at a standstill as we can’t see the venue for another month. Even so, I’ve been going around buying little things here and there for the ceremony and such. Mostly, I’ve wandered through stores taking notes and coming up with ideas for our big day. As a 20-something American, I’m part of the “microwave generation”…. I like instant gratification. I like seeing results and finished products. Right now, all I have is a bunch of little pieces that I’m praying will come together as a cohesive whole. But this is just part of the process.

Another big item yet to be seen is where we are going to live. There is a possibility of renting a really cute little house. It’s actually right down the street from where Micah currently lives. I LOVE the neighborhood! I don’t know how many times we’ve driven through and I’ve whispered “Lord I want to live here!”. We’ve been waiting for nearly a week to hear back from the owners. They are looking to sell, but we can’t afford to buy a home now. And with the market down, it’s almost better for them to rent it and sell it later…. maybe to us on a rent to own type thing. We are just praying for the right place for us to settle in to for our first year. The Lord has never let us down. I know that we won’t be homeless! It’s just a matter of waiting on HIS timing and HIS perfect provision for us.

Tomorrow we start our pre-marital counseling! We are both super excited… Samuel and Allison Moseley are awesome! I’m sure I’ll have a post for tomorrow :)

82 days to go!

Thoughts from an engaged babysitter…

For the last 3 days I’ve watched Izzy Wood. We’ve had so much fun! Playing games, coloring, reading, making snacks…. and I’m exhausted! I have no illusions about what it means to have kids. I know they require time, attention, responsibility, money, and giving of oneself continually. Growing up and having 3 sisters that are 10, 11, and 13 years younger than me, I have experienced most of the stages, from cute, snuggly, sleep all day to screaming strong-willed 3 year-old fighting with screaming strong-willed 2 year-old over a pacifier. And this week I’m seeing again how much work it is to be a mom…. not that I forgot… but I’ve never been a mom, just a sister and babysitter.

Today as I’m with Izzy, I have nothing to complain about. She’s an AMAZING 2 year-old. She loves nap time – really, she does! She obeys, tries her best to communicate with words and is just fun to be around. The thing I notice most, is that I’m tired. It really isn’t about me when I’m here, or with any other little one. It’s about looking after her well-being, making sure she is safe, fed, and as a babysitter, having fun, NOT just sticking her in front of the TV for hours… so we play A LOT and laugh A LOT.

The point is, kids are awesome but once you have a baby there’s no going back. I think that all teenagers (and newlyweds) – guys and girls – should spend a good chunk of time with a few toddlers that are over tired, finicky eaters, and then see how they feel about life with kids. I think that all abstinence talks should be followed with a few hours of babysitting.. poopy diapers and all.  I know how that experience helped me as a teenager and now I’m recalling it as I’m about to step into marriage. Having children is an amazing part of life, one that I’m REALLY excited for, but now (especially as I sit here during Izzy’s nap) I’m more excited to hang out with awesome little ones and then go home to Micah!

87 days to go!

Doing my part…

I can’t personally go to Haiti. I’m not trained in crisis response, I’m not a nurse, I’m not an aid worker, or fireman. However, I’ve been given an opportunity this week to do something small that makes a difference. My friend Sarah Wood is a nurse here in KC, and she along with 4 other nurses have raised money and gone to Haiti for the next 10 days. While there they will aid doctors with surgery, tend to wounded both young and old, and share the love of Jesus to the Haitian people. My small part comes in watching Izzy, Ben and Sarah’s 2 year-old. She is one of my favorite kids… ever. This week while Ben is playing drums at IHOP, or in meetings, I will get to hang out with Iz for about 20 hours. It seems like a lot, but really it’s not. And because I’m doing this, Sarah will be working hours on end in Haiti. I love that I get to do this… that they trust me enough to spend so much time with their daughter. And in my own small way, my time with Izzy is what I can give to Haiti.

Me & Izzy eating some lunch today!

Oh… and 89 days to go!

Anticipation…

I realize that all of my posts revolve around wedding plans and marriage and such, and this morning as I sat pondering what to write, it kept going back to those two topics. Right now I feel like thats ok. I am only going to have this season once. The marriage will be for years and years until death do we part, but this engagement season is only for a few short months. I can’t get this time back, and as such I plan to enjoy the questions, the planning, the being in love, the restraint and preparation necessary as a bride to be.

Life as I know it is about to change forever, but after that change it will be normal life (with other drastic changes along the way). Right now I have a gift in the form of anticipation. I get to actively plan and enjoy the process of planning my wedding day as the Lord provides for us. Each day I think of little things I look forward to about that day. Yes the wedding day will come and go, but I’m finding this time so precious. Kind of like the anticipation of Christmas… but oh so much better! I get the gift of a husband and I get to give the gift of myself and unlike Christmas, everyday after the wedding is a new batch of things to unwrap. New blessings, new challenges, new seasons of life, and it will continually go back to that amazing day, to the vows that we make to each other before the Lord. I’m not taking this season lightly. Yes it’s fun, but it’s also weighty. I love what the Lord is doing in our hearts individually and together in this time. It’s unmatched by any emotion I’ve ever experienced.

So, without apology I will continue to write about this time in my life…. it only happens once!

92 days to go!

1+1=1

The Lord has funny math. In realm of marriage, 1+1 does not equal 2. The coming wedding and marriage that follows will result in Micah and I truly becoming one. This is the Lord’s design. Not that Micah or I will lose our individual traits and personalities, and we will forever have the free will that we were each born with… yet in the sight of the Lord we will be one unit. I know that on the wedding day 1+1=1. However, over the last year I feel like the Lord has steadily been knitting our hearts together. Right now we are in the process of becoming one in heart; learning to make decisions together, deal with money together, how we spend our time, etc.

The other day I was praying about marriage and asking the Lord for help. I’m such an independent, strong-willed, stubborn person… I need all the help I can get to be a godly, loving, serving wife. As I was praying I got a picture of 2 pieces of fabric being stitched together, and the seam was halfway finished. I felt the Lord tell me that becoming one isn’t necessarily an instant happening, and that I am in the process of becoming one with the man I’m going to marry. And I’ve figured out that it’s hard work. It’s more humbling than ever. There are times that my independent nature rears it’s head and wants to rip out a few stitches so that I can do my own thing, or have my own way. But then I remember that this is what I’m signing up for! I am choosing this for my life. To become one with another human being, both of us fallen, broken people, to one day stand before the Bridegroom pure and spotless. It’s this equation of 1+1=1 that will bring about our righteousness and purity in a way only the Lord could have designed. It’s hard work already, but so worth the effort.

94 days to go!

Before I had even asked…

For a few weeks now, I’ve steadily become more and more overwhelmed by our need of finances for the wedding. But due to contributing factors, this week it all came to a head. For the last few days I’ve found myself asking the Lord for help, almost begging for money for the wedding. So overcome with emotion I would just cry. And even as I sat asking the Lord to provide, the little voice in back of my mind spoke up and said, “This is not what He wants of you! He wants faith to arise in your heart, Kait. You are HIS daughter and He loves to give you things… you needn’t beg.” Yet in the midst of it just made me more emotional. With all the turmoil in my heart over this issue, I’ve noticed that I’ve lost the joy of planning my wedding. I found myself wishing that it was over and done so that I didn’t have to feel this way. Both yesterday and today I shared my heart with 2 of my bridesmaids and they were both so encouraging and loving, praying for me and trying to help me see past my emotions.

This afternoon, after one of the aforementioned conversations, I’m sitting at my desk and a message from a dear friend pops up on Facebook. We talk about wedding planning and my current financial stress.  And she’s very encouraging and loving and supportive, but honestly I didn’t really want to hear anymore… I needed the Lord.

- Pause -

About a year ago, this same friend sent me a little package in the mail. Inside were 3 gold coins with a little $50 stamped on each. She and her husband had felt led by the Lord to send them to me and use for whatever. So, I hid them away in a safe place and forgot about them until about a month ago. Just a few weeks after getting engaged it crossed my mind that I could sell the coins to help pay for my wedding dress. I began looking in to how to sell gold, but with Christmas, onething, and a week of being sick I had lost track of most of my to-do list.

- Un Pause -

So I’m in this conversation with my friend, and she asks if I still have the coins. I tell her I do and her reply was, “Honey, do you know how much those are worth?”. Before I could type out my reply, she was calling my cellphone. The first thing she told me is that the coins are 1 ounce each of 24k gold  and worth about $3000. CRAZY!  She proceeds to tell me that when they sent the coins to me, they felt like they were going to be used to pay for a wedding!! So here I am, worrying my head off about how to pay for my wedding, and over a year ago, the Lord had already provided! He knew my need before I did and had already sent provision before I could ask of Him. He is a goooood Father and he answers every time.

99 days to go!